all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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