last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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