Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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