how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
