so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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