I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
