I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh god the rape fog is back!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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