It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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