Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
