if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize