I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
