We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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