New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How's work?
Spinning.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize