All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
