So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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