There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
