Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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