sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
