you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
