We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
