if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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