If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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