I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
