My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
