If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
