a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
