so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
