it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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