I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We left the knife in your bed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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