My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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