If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
