i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
