i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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