Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize