It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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