you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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