God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
time to smoke my breakfast
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
