She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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