Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
