I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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