i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
