Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
