So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
