Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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