My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
