Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
