I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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