...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
