I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
