Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
