Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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