Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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