I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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