I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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