let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
