You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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