Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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