He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
