a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
