please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize