I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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