Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
