I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
