if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
