Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
