i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
