Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
