Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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