I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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