Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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